🏋️ Health
So, this is technically my third attempt to write this weekly note.
And honestly, I don’t think I’m in my full condition right now.
My gut has been hurting. My head has been hurting. I think I ate something wrong during the last night with the boys, even though I was conscious about my food choices. Since then, my body just hasn’t felt normal. And maybe that’s why this blog got delayed by one or two days too.
Every time I sat down to write, it didn’t feel like me.
It felt disconnected. Forced. Like my brain wasn’t fully there.
So I’m writing this now on 21st May, 6 AM, trying once again to put my thoughts together.
But despite all of that, one thing I’m genuinely proud of is this:
Even when my body stopped cooperating, my discipline didn’t completely disappear.
My weight dropped to 80.5 kg, which honestly feels surreal because just a few months ago, I couldn’t imagine myself getting here. Even though I stopped going to the gym for a few days because of the gut and head issues, I still stayed disciplined with my diet.
That matters a lot to me.
Because earlier, if I stopped gym for three days, my entire system used to collapse:
- junk food
- bad sleep
- random eating
- no structure
But this time, even while feeling weak physically, I still stayed conscious.
That’s growth.
I haven’t gone to the gym since Tuesday, and today is Thursday. I’m hoping I’ll return tomorrow because honestly, I miss that structure. Right now, I can feel my body demanding recovery, and I think that’s also affecting my focus and discipline mentally.
My task notes are inconsistent.
My sleep is inconsistent.
My thoughts are more foggy these past few days.
But I think this is one of those moments where the body quietly tells you:
“Slow down for a second.”
And maybe that’s okay too.
💻 Work
Work this week felt like friction everywhere.
Not failure.
Not disaster.
Just friction.
Right now, I’m working on multiple projects in the office simultaneously, and almost all of them are stuck in that weird middle phase where nothing feels fully solved yet. We are testing multiple approaches, trying different things, experimenting constantly — but we still haven’t fully reached the outcome we want.
And honestly?
That uncertainty scares me sometimes.
Because I don’t have a clear Plan B in my head right now.
My brain is already tired physically, and adding uncertainty on top of that creates this strange pressure where you feel like you should know the answer already, but you don’t yet.
Still, deep down, I genuinely feel we are near the success point.
Sometimes creative work feels exactly like that:
You keep moving through confusion until suddenly things begin connecting.
And I think this week was more about surviving the confusion phase.
📖 Learning
One of the biggest conversations this week happened with my friend, and it revolved around a single line:
“It’s the failure you’re tasting, not the regret.”
And that line stayed with me deeply.
Because my friend was talking about all the things he couldn’t do, opportunities he missed, things that didn’t work out. But while listening to him, I realized something:
Failure only exists because you tried.
If you attempted something and lost, that’s failure.
And honestly, failure is respectable.
But regret?
Regret is when you never even tried.
Regret is imagining alternate timelines forever.
Regret is “what if.”
Regret is watching life pass while staying frozen.
So if pain exists because of effort, that pain is beautiful in some way.
Because at least you moved.
The Ceiling Before the Sky
Another thought that stayed with me this week was:
“If you are aiming for the sky, you should first learn how to reach the ceiling.”
And this completely shifted my perspective.
Because sometimes we want gigantic outcomes immediately:
- massive success
- huge money
- perfect life
- instant recognition
But we ignore the smaller levels completely.
Life doesn’t usually work in giant leaps.
It works in layers.
First the ceiling.
Then the tower.
Then the mountain.
Then maybe the sky.
This reminded me of the game Getting Over It, where you slowly climb through impossible clutter and obstacles. The game is frustrating because every tiny movement matters. One wrong move and you fall again.
But that’s also life.
Patience matters.
Consistency matters.
Tiny progress matters.
And most importantly:
You need the emotional discipline to keep climbing.
Personal Space & Community
Another thing that stayed with me came from SG’s live session where he talked about posture, movement, and personal space.
And honestly, it made me think deeply about how disconnected we’ve become from community spaces.
He mentioned how we Indians often need too much personal space emotionally and physically, but at the same time we are also extremely adjusting people. It’s contradictory.
And then came the beautiful realization:
The 100 square feet outside your house is also part of your home.
The chai tapri where you sit silently.
The road where you walk when sad.
The bench where you overthink.
The cigarette point.
The coffee shop.
The rented workspace.
Those places hold pieces of us too.
And suddenly I realized:
Home is not always walls.
Sometimes home is routine.
Sometimes home is memory.
Sometimes home is the outside world itself.
☕ Small Wins
This week had some very small but emotionally beautiful moments.
One of the biggest was watching a little kid feeding birds.
And man… that visual stayed with me.
I even clicked a picture because something about that moment felt so pure.
Kids are still living life naturally.
They are not overthinking outcomes.
They are not calculating impressions.
They are not optimizing every second.
They are just living.
And I genuinely hope the future still allows kids to have moments like that — free, soft, meaningless in the best possible way.
Because sometimes I feel adults are becoming too programmed now.
We are always:
- planning
- stressing
- calculating
- rushing
But children still experience the world directly.
And that’s beautiful.
Another emotional part of this week was my friends leaving after visiting me on the 19th.
I think somewhere inside me there’s still that fear of missing out on moments with people I genuinely love. I couldn’t spend as much time with them as I wanted because of my health condition, and that left a strange emptiness.
But still, I’m grateful.
Because those memories exist now.
And honestly:
If those people were not there during difficult phases of my life, I don’t think I could’ve become this version of myself either.
So love you boys.
See you again soon.
📚 A Line from a Book (and beyond)
“You should never ask for fewer problems.
You should ask for more skills and more wisdom.”
This line stayed in my head the entire week.
Because life never becomes problem-free.
You just slowly become stronger at carrying heavier things.
🧠 Brain Refreshment
This week’s brain refreshment mostly came through observation.
Not productivity.
Not motivation.
Observation.
Watching the child feed birds.
Listening to SG’s thoughts about personal space.
Understanding failure differently.
Watching how my body reacts under stress.
It felt like this week was forcing me to become more aware instead of more productive.
And maybe awareness itself is growth sometimes.
💭 Closing Thoughts
This week felt strange.
Not bad.
Not amazing.
Just… heavy in a very human way.
My body slowed down.
My routine broke slightly.
My focus blurred.
But even inside all that, I realized something important:
Discipline is not tested when life is easy.
Discipline is tested when your body, emotions, and mind stop cooperating.
And even though I wasn’t perfect this week, I still stayed conscious.
That matters.
I think earlier versions of me would’ve completely collapsed mentally during weeks like this.
But this time, I slowed down without fully giving up.
And maybe that itself is growth.
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